nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
