Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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