sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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