Me. At least after what I've been through.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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