So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
