careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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