my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
