captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Come on in and take your pants off
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