Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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