remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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