Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
