My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
