Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
