In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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