John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
