dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
