That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Please, let me fuck your mom
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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