If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
