Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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