I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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