fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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