Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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