happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
