You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
