Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
