That's intense
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
