I haven't been this sober since birth.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
