I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
People in love make me want to vomit
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
