Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
