had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
