oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
