And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
