You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
