my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
