he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
