I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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