i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
