Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
