Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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