We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
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