She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
