why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
