pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize