It's just like the Real World with babies
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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