Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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