I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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