If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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