I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
