I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
