my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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