the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
