but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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