i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize