fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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