Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
