for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The cops high fived after they tackled you
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize