That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
