The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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