3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
