Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
