peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
