Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
