She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize