how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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