This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Couch. On fire.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
