dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
