Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We just shotgunned beers for America
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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