the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
