part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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