you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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