its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
