we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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