when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
