My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
