I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
