Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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