You're completely useless in the revolution.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
